deffender

Sensation and perception are a psychologists way of handling things outside of themselves.
Actuality and objective reality are the way a philosopher handles the same paradox.
A theologian believes in both what they see and what they don't, paradox resolved.
but an artist only cares for perspective.

The artist doesn't need to know if 'it' is as they see it or if it is real or true. All an artist needs is a perspective and a medium for rendering what they have taken into themselves back out from them onto the medium.

Internal and external perspectives decide what the artist puts into their medium. Well, as we are all artists I have had my perspective of some things change of late but I have yet to put pen to page or brush to canvas to render the world in this new light.

I have asked myself if that is because I've lost passion or because I'm not the person that was once a poet. But I don't think that's it either. I think that with my change of perspective I now see what I have always looked at with a modicum of confusion now with a full helping of disgust.

I don't want to render this ugliness back into the world there by doubling the amount of ugliness I for the world to see. Am I a coward? No, but I am deliberate. I think I will render my depiction when I pick the color of my words and the weight of these needed pen strokes. For now, this ugliness is a poison to keep out of my vains until the anti-venom has matured in me. For the time being I will call it what it is and do little more.

It is the blackness of the soul when hope, purpose, honor, decency and reality are replaced with the ugliest of impulses: betrayal.

So Seldom do I post here it doesn't even feel like I deserve to have this space reserved for me.

I am engaged now. I'm 26. God is a word a cringe to hear and desperately need to speak in the places I go to.

Too many times I hear God used as an excuse not to think fo yourself or face that life isn't fair.

Life was never fair it was always hard and full of sad nights, too little money, too much work, and not enough time for the things you really deeply care about.

That IS the way God made it. He made us strong enough to handle it too, if we try. If we don't use his name as an excuse to take the easy way out. I see my generation wasting in front of TV's and computers. I am among them.

Terrible deaths are an earthquake away. Survive that and the wave might take you, or just the people you love. Either one. Revolution in peace somewhere. Revolution as war in another. The rapes and murders of Christians still go under reported because too few care to listen. Even fewer care to act in their defense.

I pay my bills when the government can't and then they want me to pay for others careless overspending and greed. For even saying that I am racist, bigoted, and ignorant. Or at least those are the words the 'peaceful' people call me as they beat me for thinking differently from them. That's not reported either. It would make the people reporting look like the hypocrites they are if it ever found the light of day.

Paul was called a cherry picker because the narrow minded Greeks could not see a world in which both of the most widely accepted philosophy's they used could be wrong. It was of the "unknown God" he spoke of to them.

What of this unknown God? Is He Love as I have come to believe? I don't mean God 'has' love. Not 'does' love. Not even 'gives' love. I mean IS love. Love newly defined as impetus, cause, effect, sustenance for, greatest emotion, truest expression of the soul and guiding knowledge of all that exists and all that does not exist.

Can you imagine? Love NEWLY DEFINED! Daily. Every moment. And that love in not an expression or imitation. It IS God. Non-linearly existant. Always present. Unable to be absent. Not a controlling hand or cruel puppet master. Never controlling. Always Freeing.

How pitiful that bloodied cross that fought to contain the love that over came.

Can you see in my mind friends? I am a torrential rain of thoughts. I am not a seed planter. I am not the nourishing rains of spring. I am the summer storms rolling from the west to east. That storm in my eyes is not in your imagination.

I am nothing if I have no place to go.

I am nothing without love. Love is God is Love. Love is not peace. Love is war for the right reasons. Love is admitting there are right reasons. Love is admitting lies and seeking truths.

Newly defined. Love.

My music has a guitar, two voices, no percussion until the really fast and powerful songs, a four piece string group, and long musical interludes. I want more music.

I'll tell you what's worse then being cut out of an old friends life.

Finding out they got married a month after it happened.

To that jogging and climbing partner that was nothing to her all those years ago.

That's what's worse than not knowing if he makes her happy.

I pray for a happy life for them. A happy home. A long marriage.

But I might also wish that she cared enough to have let me say that to her.

This was quite unexpected.

Boss guy got fired on Tuesday. Now life is the suck.

I have a job. I am tired. I have a car. I will be away on work for the 4th. I am tired.

I am trying to keep in touch. With sleep and my pillow in particular but also the LJ community and my friends here. I check my freinds page almost daily. keep the news coming folks, I am still listening.

Have you ever felt like you're being watched? I hate that feeling. It normally means I missed something.

I just realized that my papers from my theology classes are where all the skill I learned writing poetry are going. Strange....

I just said the most racist and uneducated thing any person can say now-a-days. "I didn't vote for him."

I would do it again if the same choices were in front of me. I am not so wrapped up in my own opinion that I would write out why here in a point by point ego-barf.

The election has happened and the spirit of the thing is to disagree in a way that will ensure that all voices are heard but that it will end with one clear winner. So it was set up. So it is.

I still didn't vote for him. Why can't you respect that?